幽默上周日过得真爽，才花了5块钱，在地铁上看到了那么多美女。

I had a great time last Sunday. I only spent five yuan to see so many beautiful women on the subway.

小时候瞧不起那些早恋的学渣，现在想想，觉得那些同学真了不起，年纪轻轻的就已经有对象了。

When I was a child, I looked down on the learning dregs of early love. Now I think those students are really great. They already have objects at a young age.

多希望接到红包的时候，打开里面写着再来一包。

I hope that when I receive the red envelope, I will open it and write another one.

越努力越幸运，真的是这样。我越努力地工作，同事就越把工作推给我，他们越幸运了呢。

The harder you work, the luckier you are, really. The harder I work, the more my colleagues put their work on me. The luckier they are.

今晚月色真美，风也温柔，仿佛都会说话，他们好像说：再不睡觉，你就等着猝死吧。

The moonlight is so beautiful tonight, and the wind is gentle. It seems that they can talk. They seem to say: if you don't sleep again, you'll wait for sudden death.

今天去看牙医，医生问我怎么牙齿磨损这么严重？我说因为我的人生都是靠咬牙撑过来的。

Today, I went to the dentist. The doctor asked me why my teeth were so worn out? I said, because my life depends on gritting my teeth.

小时候：我长大后要去帮助贫穷的人！长大后：请帮帮我…

When I was a child: I want to help the poor when I grow up! When I grow up: please help me

我想出去走走，想把自己走丢，但是又怕没人捡，我想问一下有人捡吗？高低给个回复，我好选择走丢的地方。

I want to go out and lose myself, but I'm afraid no one will pick it up. I want to ask if anyone picked it up? Give me a reply so that I can choose the lost place.

跟老爸吵架打了我一耳光，本来想问他吃饭没，缓和一下气氛，结果说成了：“你没吃饭是吧。”

I had a quarrel with my father and slapped me in the face. I wanted to ask him if he had dinner and ease the atmosphere. As a result, I said, "you didn't eat, did you?"

老师：“小明，昨天考试时你抄同桌的答案了是不是？”

小明：“是得，可你是怎么发现的呢？”

老师：“他第十题答案是‘我不知道，而你的答案是‘我也不知道。”

Teacher: "Xiao Ming, you copied the answer from your deskmate in the exam yesterday, didn't you?"

Xiao Ming: "yes, but how did you find it?"

Teacher: "his answer to question 10 is' I don't know, and your answer is' I don't know either."

又要过年了，完全不顾我有没有钱过年，说过年就过年。

It's the new year again. I don't care whether I have money or not. I said the new year would be the new year.

钱太委屈了，每个人都说爱它，却把它拿去跟别人做交易。

Money is so wronged that everyone says they love it, but they take it to trade with others.

我平时的健身方式都比较特别，就是在网上抬杠。

My usual way of fitness is quite special, that is, to raise bars on the Internet.

每当我打算开始存钱的时候，总有个声音对我说：对自己好点。这就是我一穷二白的原因。

Whenever I plan to start saving money, a voice always says to me: be good to yourself. That's why I'm poor.