Don't break anybody's heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206.

There's always that one person that pisses you off, no matter what they do or say.

I keep my room messy so that if someone tries to kill me, they'll trip over something and die.

The only thing i've learned from my mistakes is that i make a whole bunch of them.

People say love is the best feeling. But i think finding a toilet when you are having diarrhea is better.

Imagine a mirror that could reveal your personality, would you dare look?

Why do people say"grow some balls"? Balls are weak and sensitive! If you really wanna get tough, grow a vagina! Those things take a pounding!

The less you give a fuck, the happier you'll be.

You can't always control who walks into your life......But you can control which window you throw them out of.

Dont think of yourself as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.

Winners are not people who never fail but people who never quit.

There comes a point where you have to realize that you'll never be good enough for some people, but that's not your problem.

I realize that homor isn't for everyone. It's only for people who want to have fun, enjoy life, and feel alive.

A relationship without trust is like having a phone with no service, and what do you do with a phone with no service? You play games.

Why isn't my life like a situation comedy?

I love you because we hate the same stuff.

Don't make me mad then tell me to calm down. That's like shooting someone then telling them to not bleed.

I wish i could lose weight as easy as i lose my keys, pen, cell phone, my temper, and even my mind.

To be old and wise, you must first have to be young and stupid.

I'm not perfect, but i'm better than your EX and gonna be better than your NEXT.